Showing up

Went to see Hesher last night.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt does it for me-- I am such a sucker for horribly maladjusted people.  He tells this story when the chick says "Just when you think your a day can't get any worse, you discover whole new ways that it can get worse."--

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For Better or For Worse

What kind of line is "for better or for worse" in wedding vows?  It implies that if things get REALLY bad, I'll take care of you... and your brain is fragile, so this is a pretty big vow.  It means that if you get alzheimers before me, I'll spend all my money for your babysitter or watching you degrade by myself.  If you get in a car wreck and end up with prefrontal cortex damage and become a gambling sex addict, I won't leave you, for possibly another 80 years, and will pay for your therapy which will never fix the problem.  It means I'll ignore the ethical issue of being married to a cognitively retarded individual.

If no one takes this vow of responsibility for me, and I become a gambling sex addict alzheimers patient, where will I live?  Who will feed me?  What will happen?  This is why we stuck the vow in there in the first place.  Someone has to do it and our parents probably won't be around.

Did the Spartan's have it right with that whole "throw the disabled over the cliff" thing?  Is socialism the answer?  I doubt the world even HAS enough not-disabled people to take care of all the disabled ones. 

My brain is such a depressing place.
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    pessimistic pessimistic

I hate you livejournal. I hate you!

 I either haven't said this before, or I don't see where I've said it before (ref: moonwalking bear, below.)

When people are assholes, it's either because they've suffered abuse, or because their physiology is different than yours (unless you're an asshole too, in which case, I'm talking about you here... yes, you.)

Check out Beth's story.  The abuse she has suffered is severe- so severe that people noticed and got help for her.  However, assholes have generally suffered abuse on a much more subtle level, which makes it so much easier to deny and ignore, and SO much harder to address.  Poor assholes.

It's a great story... go watch it here:
Child of Rage

Psalms 32

1 Oh, what joy for those
   whose disobedience is forgiven,
   whose sin is put out of sight!
2 Yes, what joy for those
   whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt,
   whose lives are lived in complete honesty!
3 When I refused to confess my sin,
   my body wasted away,
   and I groaned all day long.

When I was your age...

This youtube video claims that for students starting a four-year technical degree program, half of what they learn in their first year will be outdated by their third year of study.

That got me to thinking about what has changed since I was in school. Sit down. No seriously, sit down. This is going to shock you.

Are you ready for this?


Are you okay? Stay with me...

Remember that whole "Sight, Smell, Taste, Touch, Hearing" thing? That was Aristotle's idea. Houghton mifflin is obviously still using his notes for their first grade readers, even though he kicked the bucket in 322 BC.

My teacher would occasionally make us write papers such as "If you had an extra sense, what would it be? Describe your life." Or "Think of a new color that no one has ever seen before. Describe it to me." Or "Describe the color RED to a blind person." ...When you're in first grade, this seems pretty difficult. I can only imagine what her collection of responses must have looked like. But the following information REALLY makes me disappointed in my first grade self...

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What else is new since you were in school?  Leave me a comment! :)

Trading Time for Money...

Lately I've been wondering about the economy of intellectual property. I pirate music galore, and haven't paid to see a movie in years. I share quotes often without citing the source, because names are largely irrelevant to the message I'm trying to communicate.

So if I dedicate my life to ... well, anything... I certainly couldn't be irked if someone consumed the fruit of my labors without paying me.

America's become this big sea of information workers, with all of our "real work" workers being borrowed from other nations... and although I am paid well, it really doesn't seem <wordsearch>justified.</wordsearch>

To sustain this bizzarre "no real work" economy, I think we should all begin to expect that our "information work" should truly draw the allelujia from any individual we expect payment from... almost like a donation- a gift that says "My life would be incomplete without your contribution to it, please accept my meager monetary gift so that you can continue your work for others."

People should WANT me in their lives, WANT to pay me, WANT to promote me, because without me, their lives would be less full, less fulfilling, less whole...

(In defense against what you're thinking right now, I would TOTALLY send Wikipedia my life savings if I didn't already owe it to Bank of America. Bastards.)

Everything in this world has become so strangely back-asswards... I have to spend my entire life's earnings before I earn them just to go to school so I can eventually, hopefully, pay the school back before I die. Is this a prison of my own mind... or is this just the United States of America?
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    Prince // Kiss

(The) Point

Watched Antichrist @DobieTheatre this weekend after my second no-family holiday- the message (besides the misogyny): Chaos reigns, as in the whole "civilization is stupid, we're all animals, let's act like it" point that the kids with the "warrior genes" and abuse victims love to proclaim.

I'm a woman. That equates to about one week of not caring that men exist, two weeks of wanting to fxck like a rabbit, and one more week of wanting you to stay the hell out of my way, but not in an obvious way, because that would be reason to suspect that you are working for the enemy. Trust me, I'd rather have a big swinging dick and only care about sports, but this is what I'm delt. With that comes the ability to have sex with whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want. Unless my boyfriend says no, which would obviously be against the will of the Universe. (Did you hear that boyfriend?)

Neglecting the obvious forces of nature involved in every choice I make, I'd like to also assert that I have freedom of choice, compassion, and the will to actualize my potential to the extent that it interferes with my wreckless indulgence in the freedom and luxury of the time and place into which I was born.

So, mull it over and tell me... should I drop 150k and go to University, or keep my money and have cake?



Physical Characteristics of "Evil"

Existing EEG and PET brain scan technology show that sociopaths do not process emotional information the way other people do. It is believed that in childhood, a born sociopath learns to direct such input through other routes in the cerebral cortex, but as of yet no one knows what blocks the impulses and signals from following their normal route. Cortical underarousal, underactive sympathetic division of the autonomic nervous system, and brain waves while awake (on EEG) that resemble the alpha-waves of light sleep, are all common or universal symptoms of primary psychopaths.

In addition, more and more research shows that psychopaths lack the neurotransmitter Oxytocin (secreted by the pituitary gland) and often have only half as much Vasopressin (antidiuretic hormone) as most people do. Abnormalities are thus not confined to the cerebral cortex; they can be found in the cingulate gyrus and the entire limbic system as well. ANYTHING THAT AFFECTS NEUROLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT OF THE FETUS CAN POSSIBLY CAUSE THESE DEFICIENCIES.

In addition to this, a child's brain develops exponentially after birth, and early development requires physical contact and stimulation in order to form the basis for interpersonal bonding; secondary psychopaths are thought to have lacked this; refers to Reactive Attachment Disorder too.

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My Dreaming Brain

It was recently suggested that I alter my perception to believe that I am God's favorite child, and that He has the power to give me whatever I ask for, from the smallest gift to my wildest dreams.  All I have to do is ask.

I read somewhere that people cannot actually read in the dreamstate, because the part of your brain that interprets written language is not active when you're asleep.  So I asked to explore that while I slept.

Guess what!  I can't read in my sleep. 

I dreamed I was in my apartment, which had the address in big numbers inside the front door.  I was sitting at my dinner table, reading the Journal.  I looked up to see what my address was, and the numbers just melted into squiglies and swam around in a tight circle there on the wall, until I looked away, at which point they promptly regained their original positions.  I looked down at the Journal, which had the heading in large, bold font, and an entire page of text underneath.  When I looked at the heading, the letters melted to squiglies and swam.  The rest of the page was stationary.  When I looked down to read the page, the heading resumed its original position, and the news swam around on the page.  Argh!  How frustrating.

I also know that when I was young, and all I watched on TV was The Lone Ranger, I dreamed in black and white.  I now always dream in color, and almost daily I remember my dreams with a veil of vagueness.

I have sleep paralysis, and it is extraordinarily scary because I also have sleep apnea.  This means while I'm awake, but paralyzed, I cease to breathe.  It gives me a very floaty sensation, that comes in waves, as if I'm phasing out of my body, until I gasp for breath, which usually breaks the paralysis.

I can explore my own brain while I sleep, consciously awake in my sleep state... haha!  What an awesome gift.  Beat that without drugs!